Why Do Some "Good Communicators" Have to Shout So Loudly?

The angry shouts of "I'm an excellent communicator!" drowned out my attempts to say anything in a recent heated phone conversation. After ten minutes of truly trying to understand the other person's position, using active listening skills, and reflecting back what they'd been saying, I was hoping to now have my voice heard. As I tried to explain my point of view, the shouting began.

Do you deal with people who believe themselves to be excellent communicators, when in fact their skills are terrible? Do they brag of their good listening skills, but never actually listen? Is communication a one-way street for them? Is it only about speaking, or in this case shouting?

Communication happens when thoughts are exchanged, received and clarified; this requires dialogue, discussion. If we're always loudly proclaiming our point of view, it is impossible to know if the other person has received our ideas, understood our ideas, agreed with our ideas. It is also impossible to hear the other person's ideas.

The exchange of ideas, the exchange of understanding, is the glue that keeps families, relationships and businesses functioning well. If we pride ourselves on communication, but honest self-reflection shows that we are proclaiming more than we're listening, receiving or clarifying, we need to face the facts and get some help. Good communication skills can be learned, but the first step we need to do is accept that we might have a problem.

I'm a poor communicator, but I can change, if I have to, I guess.