Attack, Indulge or Ignore?

When you're trying to improve, and you don't meet your own expectations, how do you handle it? What does the little voice say when you fall short?

Do you attack? Does the voice say things like "You sure screwed up. You're lazy. What's wrong with you? Why can't you follow through on your goals? You need to be more self-disciplined."

Do you indulge? Do you comfort yourself with "You deserve a break; don't be so hard on yourself. Look at all the other things you've accomplished. What's the big deal if you let this slide? Have another chocolate, you worked hard!"

Do you ignore? Does the voice stay silent, trying to pretend that you never really had a goal in the first place? Trying to pretend that you didn't give up when the going got tough? Maybe next time something will inexplicably change and you will magically be able to meet your goals.

These are the three common ways we talk to ourselves when we don't measure up to our expectations, says Pema Chodron in Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion (Shambhala Library). These are also the three common ways we managers deal with shortcomings in our employees and teams.

We attack them, and use our HPS (Hierarchical Power Stick) to whack them until they're motivated.

We indulge them, channelling our inner-jellyfish to give them the benefit of the doubt, hold a love-fest, a pity-fest, and dream up excuses that might explain why they couldn't meet the challenge.

Or, we ignore them, pretending that we never actually started that initiative. We forget our original intent to improve, and watch quietly as things slide back to the way they were.

Chodron suggests a fourth option for dealing with personal shortcomings, that of openly experiencing the failure, embracing the failure, being aware of but accepting of the failure. When we allow ourselves to truly delve into the failure and really see it, we can learn. We can gain insight about what we might do differently to achieve more graceful success in the future.

When you experience a really good Root Cause Analysis process in an open and collaborative environment, you get a corporate-feel for what Chodron is talking about on a personal level. When you practice effective standard work, striving to always figure out what is keeping you and your people from getting your daily tasks done, you see the same benefits.

Next time you or your team falls short of your improvement expectations, observe whether you tend to attack, indulge or ignore. Then, consider how your improvement process might itself be improved by encouraging your whole team to openly experience the failure together and discover better ways to do what you do.