Seven Features of Destructive Conflict

Conflict is not inherently good or bad. Conflict can inspire growth and creativity, it often carries the seeds of renewal, and it can motivate us to find breakthrough solutions that move us to a much better place. Conflict can be cooperative, with the feel of working together to solve a problem.

On the other hand, conflict can be very destructive, with a competitive, war-like, win-lose mentality that develops a mind and momentum of its own. Destructive conflict has several common features, which you will certainly recognize from your own experiences.

Destructive conflicts tend to...

1. Expand and escalate, often continuing long after the initial causes have been forgotten, or after initial causes have become irrelevant.
2. Rely on competitive processes as each side tries to win the conflict, through force, deception, alliances or cleverness.
3. Encourage black and white thinking, with strong pressure to choose sides and be loyal to your side's point of view.
4. Focus on strategies of power, using tactics of posturing, misinformation, threat and coercion.
5. Shift away from tactics like discussion and concilliation that minimize differences or enhance mututal understanding and goodwill.
6. Minimize direct communication between the people in conflict, relying instead on heresay, go-betweens, espionage, and other round-about ways of gathering intelligence.
7. Allow us to behave towards the other in ways that would be outrageous and morally unacceptable if directed towards us instead. The Golden Rule goes out the window as distrust and suspicion disable our social graces.

There are resources available on how to wage conflict, how to win your negotiations, and how to suppress or contain conflict. Less well known, yet more effective and powerful and pleasant, are the tools of constructive conflict and cooperative problem solving. If the seven features listed above permeate all your interactions, consider that there may be ways to help make your conflicts more constructive and positive.